It’s the holiday season…

With a Whoop-de-do!! Ahhh yes, the holiday season has arrived. Well actually the corporate who-ha’s forced it to be the holiday season about a month ago but I tried to ignore that. As the Halloween candy went on clearance, the Christmas candy moved its way onto the shelves. I even saw Jolly Ole St. Nick make his way into our malls before Thanksgiving!

Personally our County fair kicks off the holiday season for me. It has something to do with the smells and the lights and the thrills. It’s great and I love that it comes through town in November. However, that doesn’t mean I want to head out to visit Santa the next day at the mall. It means I want a chance to see some fall colors, and silly turkey decorations and I want to anticipate Thanksgiving and stress about cooking and cleaning for family. Our chance to really enjoy Thanksgiving and it’s meaning with family is getting smaller ad smaller.

I feel more pressure about the holiday’s instead of slowly enjoying myself. Everything seems to be about the stores making more and more money and the real world doesn’t seem to have enough of it. I find it taking longer and longer to find my Christmas spirit. So far this year I have purchased zero gifts. I have started to decorate the house though and am really hoping the ABC Family 25 days of Christmas will give me the boost I need.

Does anyone else feel this same holiday pressure? It’s horrible and not festive like I want it to be. I know that nothing will ever top the anticipation we had as children where every day leading up to Christmas break was soooo long and every day and night thereafter drug on and on as well until finally Christmas eve arrived – possibly the LONGEST night of the year! I know nothing will top that as an adult and the holiday spirit is just different. But it’s there even as adults. It’s different for each adult. Perhaps you love time with friends or family. Or maybe it’s the excitement you see in your children’s eyes. Either way – it’s there and present but with each passing year it seems as though it’s less and less.

I blame corporate. Who decided to make Christmas a 3 month-long holiday? Stop rushing me into Christmas and just let me enjoy the season. It’s not all about Christmas. There is an entire season to enjoy here people!!! Back off and let me live it!

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Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to my husband. I love you! It’s been a great two years and a great 8ish before that!

 

All these years later and the little things still drive me crazy! (candy wrappers, stinky feet, hair in the sink, soda cans) But they are so worth all the great things you do. (love notes, vitamins, packing lunch, going to the store, waking me up)

I have said it before and I still feel it – we have a great thing! Sometimes we are off our game and things seem a little off but I always love you more than anything else! I love you and love everything you do for me!

I can’t wait for the rest of our life together my love!  Happy Anniversary!!

 

 

I sure do love that guy!! All his silly antics and his stinky ole socks included!

How many years have you been married? How’s married life?

Filter or no filter

I met Matt in 2003. At the time, the teenager was a cute chubby little 6yr old ball of fun. Like most children, she had no filter on her conversations. I sure did love that kid though and was quickly falling for her daddy too.

She's actually 9 in this picture..I didn't have a digital camera yet when I met her at 6yr old!

One particular day as we were all sitting around the house, that cute little squishy face asked me “When are you and my daddy gonna get married? “Was this adorable? Yes! Was it awkward as I sat there wide eyed, mouth agape trying to come up with an appropiate answer for a 7yr old? YES!!! I had only known Matt for a mere 4-5 months and I think marriage was the last thing on my mind. (His too considering we didn’t wed for 7 more years!)
I think Matt was appalled that she would even ask this question and for sure thought he would never see me again, what with my running for the hills and all. LOL!
I love kids though and have been around them my entire life and I know their minds and was in no way offended. It was awkward though! 
 
Another wonderful time with little squishy face, involved her bringing up the dreaded “ex”. Oh yes my friends, this little ball of joy brought up the ex in such a manner that it was awkward for all involved. She simply wanted to know if her daddy remembered the time they did this with “her” and it caused complete silence to ensue. I’m no silly jealous girl though and wasn’t bothered by it all. I wasn’t silly enough to think Matt had no ex’s and that this little cutie had never had another woman in her life. 
 

Me and the Teen years ago. (She made us get matching shirts!)

 
What is it about kids that cause them to say the worst things at the worst moment? We think they have no idea, but is this actually true. It seems more like they DO know exactly what they are doing and just like to see adults squirm!
All these years later that little squishy kid has grown into a beautiful teenager and guess what?? Still no filter! I cringe sometimes when we are conversing with strangers.
 
I sure do love her though with all my heart and soul, filter or no filter.
 
So tell me, do you kids have a filter? If so, how did you install it? If not, tell me about an awkward moment in time.
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What do you think about on 9/11?

I guess the common answer these days to that questions would be: The World Trade Center attacks, a loved one lost, America, New York and maybe even fears of a repeat attack of some kind.

My answer is a bit different. While I do think of most of those things on that day, I think mostly about my own lost loved one. She didn’t die on 9/11 but was born on 9/11. I think of her so much on this day. How old she would be, what would she have looked like, who would she have grown to be, how close would we be and how would my family and myself be different if she were still with us?

I have been thinking of her on this day for 23 years. Although my thoughts changed 19yrs ago when my first thought was that she would be 5 today. NOw, in 2011, she would be 23 years old. A grown woman in the world, my family and my friend. I miss her still, her hugs, her smiles, her little voice singing a song.

I was 12 years old when she died, I was an awkward kid trying to get through my days. My life was about school, friends, boys and hanging out. Death was a slap in the face, especially when it was such a tiny little person so close to my heart. It was hard for my 12yr old brain to grasp.

I remember very clearly coming home from school and seeing my mothers car in the driveway. (this was weird because she worked and didn’t get home until 7ish, was home after school with my dad) Both of my parents were in the bedroom talking in hushed tones so I filled a bowl with puffy Cheetos and sat at the table for my after school snack. I remember taking a bite of one of those Cheetos as my parents walked out to tell me about the car accident my Aunt was in with the babies on board. It was explained to me that my Aunt was very hurt as was my cousin. She was in a coma with no brain activity. I don’t remember the words or phrases they used, I only remember that cheeto still in my mouth and I had no idea what to do with it as it turned to mush.

The following days are still a blur. I only remember bits and pieces. I remember the wake and the open casket (I never should have looked) and I remember staring for so long that I thought she was breathing, I remember rumors flew at school in my absence that I slit my wrists, I remember how small my other cousins were and how much less they understood than I , I remember a Thanksgiving right after where my grandfathers voice cracked in saying the prayer (I had never seen or heard him cry before) and I remember how I changed as person.

These are all things I think about during the year but I think of everything on September 11th, the day of her birth. It’s still hard and I tear up every 9/11 but for different reasons than most of America.

We miss you and we love you Mikki!

Beautiful Girl!

What do you think of on 9/11? What does this day mean to you?

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